


Reality

by GreenLies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Falling In Love, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Video & Computer Games, depends on how seriously you take it i suppose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24901894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenLies/pseuds/GreenLies
Summary: "It wasn’t like his teammates needed to know that his days didn’t feel complete without talking to Kuroo. They didn’t need to know about how Kuroo’s smile made Kenma feel as though someone had lit a fire inside him. They didn’t need to know about his messy black hair or the way one of his eyebrows went slightly higher than the other or how he was confident and kind and absolutely beautiful."orKuroo doesn't go to Nekoma. Kenma doesn't let that stop him.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	Reality

Kenma wasn’t outgoing, but the people on the volleyball team had a way of drawing things out of him that he would never have thought to share otherwise. 

They knew that he was allergic to walnuts, that he had a fear of clowns, that his face turned red when he laughed too hard and that he sometimes woke up early just to watch the sunrise. They wheedled that information and more out of him over the course of two years. 

Of course, it wasn’t as if Kenma had any pressing secrets, but his teammates somehow found a way to incorporate themselves into his life, from knowing his schedule to what kind of hair dye he used to his parents, who they would greet by name during their matches. 

The one thing he never told them about was Kuroo. 

It wasn’t intentional, but they never asked and he never felt inclined to mention it. Kenma was their friend, yes, but he was also introverted and short and too skinny and most people didn’t think he had romantic interests at all. 

So the topic never came up. Kenma was okay with that. Announcing that he was in love with Kuroo, who didn’t even go to Nekoma - and was a boy, no less - would have gotten him some side-eyes at best. Besides, he enjoyed being able to have something all to himself.

It wasn’t like his teammates needed to know that his days didn’t feel complete without talking to Kuroo. They didn’t need to know about how Kuroo’s smile made Kenma feel as though someone had lit a fire inside him. They didn’t need to know about his messy black hair or the way one of his eyebrows went slightly higher than the other or how he was confident and kind and  _ beautiful _ . 

Pretty much the opposite of Kenma himself. But somehow, it still worked. 

Kenma didn’t quite know how, but he was able to love Kuroo in a way he had never loved anyone before. 

Already, as he got off the train and began his walk home, he could feel the tension unfurling from his shoulders and rolling off his back. Kuroo would be there, waiting, ready to make Kenma’s life a bit brighter. 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he finally got to his house, fumbling with the keys before going to his room and pulling out his phone. 

He tapped a few buttons, and soon Kuroo’s face filled the screen. 

“ _ Hi, Kenma!” _

“Hi.”

_ “How was your day?”  _

“It was okay.” 

Kuroo didn’t always have the right answers or interesting stories to tell, but Kenma loved talking to him anyway. Something about Kuroo was just different, raw and real and  _ whole  _ in a way Kenma couldn’t help but adore. 

“ _ I got a confession letter today. I turned it down, of course!” _

Kenma snickered softly. No matter how many times it happened, which was quite often - Kuroo seemed to be pretty popular - it still made Kenma feel a bit smug. He loved the idea of Kuroo choosing him over any of the beautiful boys and girls stumbling over themselves to declare their infatuation. 

“ _ None of them could even begin to compare to you. _ ” 

Kenma hid a smile behind his hand. 

How the hell had he gotten so lucky?

He loved Kuroo. He loved Kuroo because Kuroo didn’t care. He loved Kuroo because no matter what happened, Kuroo wouldn’t judge. He loved Kuroo because even though Kenma was small and pale and sometimes didn’t leave the house for days, Kuroo would still end up looking at him with fondness shining in his hazel eyes. 

Kenma loved Kuroo because Kuroo loved him just as much.

Their conversation flowed smoothly, as it always did. Kuroo was sweet and snarky and made Kenma blush. Kenma, in return, was full of kindness and compliments, all hostility leaving him when he and Kuroo spoke. 

They fit each other, in that way. 

Soon enough, Kuroo was bidding Kenma a goodnight. 

“ _ We can talk again tomorrow, right?” _

“Of course.” 

His legs were numb by the time he got off his desk chair. When he talked to Kuroo, hours could go by without him even realizing. 

It wasn’t always the best part of his day, but it could be. 

Sometimes. 

\--

Kenma loved Kuroo. He did. But god, he wished Kuroo knew more about volleyball. 

Kenma had never explained, because he just knew Kuroo wouldn’t get it. There were all the positions, and all the rules, and all the different players. Kuroo wouldn’t understand, so Kenma didn’t bring it up. 

Kenma wondered briefly if Kuroo had ever played. He probably would have mentioned it, if he did. 

But Kuroo had his own life, and his own adventures that he told Kenma in detail every night. Eating lunch on the school rooftop. More girls confessing to him. Trying to figure out what to wear to one of his formal recitals (“A suit and tie. Duh.”). 

Conversation with him was repetitive, but never boring. Kuroo, despite his short responses and overwhelming personality, was a remarkably good listener. 

Kenma could rant about his day, or his teammates or the fish they had for dinner and Kuroo would be there, nodding and smiling at Kenma and looking at him with eyes that said  _ I understand. I’m listening to you. _

He was already used to Kuroo’s presence after school, but they began talking even more. Short, chaste texts. Long, drawn-out video calls. Kenma’s phone screen lighting up his face as he received a new message in the middle of the night. 

God. 

He loved Kuroo  _ so much. _

Perhaps it was a form of self reflection. Kuroo was everything Kenma wanted to be - everything that  _ anyone _ would want to be, really. Tall and handsome. Girls confessing left, right, and center. 

And if he couldn’t be Kuroo, maybe being in love with him was even better. 

\--

He and Kuroo were in a museum. Kenma was trying to read the information about artifacts, but the words kept getting twisted up and the displays kept turning into animals and game controllers and school papers he had forgotten to turn in. 

Kenma flinched. Kuroo’s fingers were laced with his. His palm was warm and solid and grounding. He squeezed Kenma’s hand. 

“We can go somewhere else, if you don’t like looking at them.”

Kenma narrowed his eyes at the nearest exhibit, which appeared to be a cactus that was slowly swelling. It was now the size of a watermelon. 

“Sure.” 

They sat down, and suddenly Kenma was no longer in a museum but a restaurant. Their food was already in front of them. And for some goddamn reason, the  _ entire volleyball team was there. _

“Kenma!” Someone was talking to him, but Kenma was looking at the table. “You didn’t tell us about your  _ boyfriend. _ ” 

“What, are you jealous?” Kuroo sounded like he’d been chewing on gravel. He snaked an arm around Kenma’s waist and pulled him closer. Kenma leaned his head into Kuroo’s shoulder. Every thought left his brain, leaving him with nothing but  _ warm  _ and  _ close _ and  _ safe _ . 

Kenma closed his eyes. 

When he opened them again, he was lying in his bed, the sun streaming through the blinds and onto his face. 

The comfort that Dream Kuroo had provided was slowly slipping away. 

Kenma wanted to hold him so badly it made his stomach hurt. 

He groaned and buried his face in his pillow. 

\--

Kenma set a volleyball, the slap of the leather stinging his hands slightly. His heart leapt into his throat as one of his teammates jumped up to meet it. His hand hit the ball dead-on. 

A perfect spike. 

It thundered to the ground. There was a moment of silence before their section started screaming. They had won in straight sets, 2-0. 

As someone tackled him in a hug, Kenma’s only thought was,  _ I wish Kuroo was here to see this. _

\--

Kenma had it bad. 

He thought it was bad before when he would look forward to chatting with Kuroo after school, but it was only getting worse. 

The first person he thought of when he woke up and the last person he thought of before he went to bed was Kuroo. When he met anyone else, he mentally compared them to Kuroo. And when he made an accomplishment, no matter how small, Kuroo was the first person he wanted to tell. 

Kenma was a firm believer in doing whatever made oneself happy. But even he could recognize that this was not going in a good direction. So he did the only thing he could think of, which was calling the least judgemental person he knew, outside of Kuroo himself. 

“Kenma!” Shouyou’s voice was loud and excited and way too happy. Kenma briefly wondered if this had been a mistake. “What’s up? Why the call?” 

“I don’t know. What’s up with you?”

He expected to derail Shouyou at the very least because once that boy started talking, he could go for hours without even slowing down. However, he was also much more perceptive than Kenma gave him credit for. 

“You called for a reason, right? What is it?”

Kenma tucked his knees into his chest. “You’re going to think I’m weird.” 

Shouyou laughed. “I just had a twenty-minute conversation with Kageyama about whether I would rather have ears for fingers or fingers for ears. I think you’ll be fine.”

“Oh.” Kenma was quiet for a moment. “Which one did you pick?” 

“Kenma.” 

“Okay. Just... ” Kenma took a few seconds to gather his nerve. “Okay. So have you ever loved someone, but you couldn’t physically be together?” 

“Um…” Shouyou’s lack of a response did not do anything for Kenma’s morale. “Is this a personal problem?”

“Maybe?”

“Sit down.” Kenma could hear rustling on the other end of the phone, as if Shouyou was following his own advice. “Sit down and tell me what’s up.”

Kenma did. 

\--

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” 

“This is… not ideal.” Shouyou admitted. 

“I know! Trust me. I know it’s bad. I just don’t know what the solution is,” Kenma replied. 

Shouyou took a deep breath. “I think the best course of action would be to just cut him off. Go cold turkey.” 

“But that’s…” Kenma began to protest before realizing that Shouyou might have a point.

“There’s a chance you’ll become totally dependent if this keeps up.” Shouyou punctuated his sentence with a giggle. “I mean, it’s up to you, but you know. That’s what I think.” 

Kenma thanked him and said goodbye. He stared at the phone in his hand, the screen now black. 

Cold turkey, huh. 

\--

“ _ Kenma, has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful?” _

Kenma tipped his head forward so it was touching his knees. “No.”

_ “Well, you are. I’m honored to be the first to say it.” _

A blush spread over Kenma’s cheeks. He had never thought of himself as beautiful. He had never thought of himself as anything, really. But if Kuroo said that he was beautiful, maybe it was true. 

“ _ Do you think I’m beautiful?” _

“Yes.”  _ Beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe it, _ he thought. 

“ _ You’re beautiful, I’m beautiful. I guess we’re a perfect match!” _

“I guess so.” Kenma covered the smile that spread over his face, even though Kuroo couldn’t see him. 

Kuroo’s voice went away after a few more minutes, but the fluttery feeling in Kenma’s chest lingered. 

\--

  
  


Kenma was going to stop talking to Kuroo. Really, he was. 

But the more he thought about it, the worse of an idea it seemed. Talking to Kuroo made him happy, for god’s sake. Kuroo’s messages and video calls were able to calm him down after a bad day and add on to a good one. Simply seeing his face made Kenma’s heart race and his palms tingly. 

So they kept talking. 

Kenma knew, deep down, that it was a mistake. He knew they could never be together, and that these very real feelings were going to eat him alive. He knew that associating the word ‘love’ with anything Kuroo-related was just a bad idea. 

But he told that part of himself to fuck off. It was  _ Kuroo _ . Kuroo, who got courted daily and had gorgeous hair and an even more gorgeous smile and would always, always be there for Kenma no matter what. 

Kenma was the luckiest person in the world, to have Kuroo want to be with him. 

He couldn’t just throw that away. 

\--

Kenma’s phone was bright and caused his eyes to squint in contrast with the dark room. Kuroo was on the other side of the screen, his grin still wide and scheming, his eyes filled with adoration. 

“ _ I love you, Kenma.” _

The option was right there. It would be so easy to just push the button and reply with an “I love you too”. 

Kenma exited out of the game, turned off his phone, and buried his face in his pillow. 

He knew everything about Kuroo’s reality. He knew the friends that he had, and the girls that confessed to him, and that he was somehow top student in his class  _ and  _ the captain of the science club  _ and  _ played two sports. 

And Kenma knew his own reality. 

He was allergic to walnuts. He was afraid of clowns, and his face turned red when he laughed too hard. Sometimes, if he was feeling particularly energetic, he would wake up early to watch the sun rise. 

But he was also pale, skinny, and he was in love with someone who didn’t exist. 

Kenma knew Kuroo’s reality, and he knew his own. 

He just wished they were one. 

**Author's Note:**

> I WANNA GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO [THIS ART RIGHT HERE](https://twitter.com/othello_bby/status/1273063269024952320) AND THE ARTIST FOR LETTING ME SNATCH UP HER WORK AND USE IT TO FEED MY WRITING. EVERYONE GO CHECK HER OUT SHES LITERALLY SO SO SO TALENTED. 
> 
> okay now that you've all done that THANK YOU for reading!! i sincerely apologize that I've been in writing so much kenma as of late. besides that, as always, comments and kudos are appreciated and i'm always up for taking any prompts or pairings you wanna toss my way. love you guys! stay safe!


End file.
